Before I get really “into” this story of how I came to love and adore my new hoover, I’d like to point out that I do of course know that “Hoover” is a brand name and what I actually mean is “vacuum cleaner”. But I’m not American and vacuum cleaner sounds silly to say. I do hope you’ll forgive me referring to my non-Hoover hoover as a hoover throughout this post. We don’t need to be Partridge-style sticklers about it, we’re all friends here.
We’d needed a new hoover for bloody ages as our old Dyson was driving me crazy and generally starting to suck (ironically, by not sucking very well at all). I’ve had three Dyson hoovers in my time and I don’t want to speak ill of them, but I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re not always the best despite their coveted status.
Let’s face it, Dysons are cool. People “want a Dyson”. When I told ST I was going to buy a new hoover he said “make sure it’s a Dyson” but couldn’t further explain why he thought it should be. Kudos to their marketing team, they’ve firmly established themselves as the Rolls-Royce of vacuum cleaners and people genuinely aspire to owning one. Aren’t us humans just the darned funniest?
But our old and battered upright Dyson was past its best and definitely not right for us in our new home. It weighed a tonne (maybe not literally but it was comically heavy), was an absolute bitch to get up the stairs, bulky to hide away, not actually suited to the kind of flooring we had and, crucially, not actually very good at hoovering any more (quite a key feature of a hoover, this one).
The research for a replacement began.
I didn’t really want to move away from Dyson as I truly admire the brand. I want that snazzy blade-less Dyson fan. Their heater looks superbly clever. I still get VERY excited about using Dyson Airblades and I can only dream of one day having an Airblade three-way (simultaneously drying each hand in two separate Airblades, in case it isn’t obvious). But if alternative hoover models scored better with the likes of Which? and Joe Public then I was happy to turn my back on the great loved British brand in my quest for a dust-free home.
I wanted a new hoover and Brussels wasn’t going to stop me.
I need to buy a new hoover but don’t want to look like I’m panic buying. #euprobz
— Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) September 1, 2014
It actually became a legitimate Christmas wish.
Oh good, I’ve officially reached “I’d like a new hoover for Christmas please”.
— Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) November 27, 2014
I became obsessed with Black Friday deals and having literally spent HOURS reading reviews of dozens of different hoovers, I started to focus on one particular Miele hoover (the C3 PowerLine Allergy somethingorother) that just seemed to tick every box and then some.
But could I get it at a Black Friday nice price? No, of course I couldn’t, because Black Friday in the UK is a waste of everybody’s time. At one point, I had supposedly ordered four of them. Literally.
Every e-com site was crumbling under the weight of Black Friday hysteria and general “but this is an American thing, no?” confusion. News outlets refused to cover any other stories and we were all whipped up into a frenzy where if we hadn’t parted with £400 worth of electronics we didn’t need we felt like we were seriously missing out. Luckily for my bank balance, all of my transactions failed due to stock shortages slash mass incompetence on the behalf of retailers.
BUT THERE SEEMED TO BE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
For anyone excitedly following my hoover woes, my multiple failed Black Friday transactions paid off. It was 15% off today at Homebase. — Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) November 29, 2014
Which made it £100 less than never knowingly undersold John Lewis. Sales only work if you do your homework. HASHTAG HOOVER.
— Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) November 29, 2014
Homebase had saved me!
Or so I thought. Because it turned out that although they could take my money and text me a delivery time they didn’t actually have any stock either. By this point I truly wasn’t bothered about how much the hoover would cost, I just really wanted a bloody hoover.
It’s nearly normal Friday and I am still annoyed about Black Friday. I am going to hoover so hard when I finally get one. — Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) December 3, 2014
I even went to the Caribbean to get away from all the hoover drama. But I couldn’t escape my own mind.
I’m in paradise and I’m still worrying about my hoover.
— Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) December 5, 2014
Nobody seemed capable of stocking my dream hoover at all, except for John Lewis who were charging £100 more for it than anyone else (thanks, “John Lewis”) but I did manage to see someone selling a brand new one on eBay.
Bizarrely, it was actually Argos who were selling it on eBay…Argos who hadn’t been able to fulfil my original ecom order because Argos didn’t have any in stock.
I tweeted them to ask what would happen if I bought something from their eBay store that they’d specifically told me they didn’t have any stock of anywhere and they said it would work.
I didn’t trust them, natch, but by this point I was used to paying £250 every three hours for the promise of a non-existent hoover so I proceeded with the eBay purchase anyway.
By some sort of Christmas miracle, a hoover actually arrived.
If this hoover saga had been my one experience of ecom I’d be the guy at the pub saying “that internet shopping? It’ll never catch on”.
— Poppy Dinsey (@PoppyD) December 11, 2014
Slightly scarred by the whole experience, I opened the box with trepidation and expected it to be broken and/or a fridge.
But no! It was the hoover I’d dreamt of! And it was really ruddy brilliant!
I chose this hoover because I have bad dust allergies (which sounds like something that princesses say, but it’s genuinely true and I have to take medication all year round or I’m an asthmatic sneezing mess) and the reviews were basically ALL great. The more I looked into the different brands, the more I realised how well Miele performed against competitors time and time again. Everyone I spoke to who actually knew anything about hoovers said that Miele were the unsung superbrand. Like, if you buy a Miele hoover it’s basically making a statement: “I know my hoovers”. And I want people who snoop through my cupboards to at least think that I know my hoovers.
Things that are great about it…
- It’s REALLY sucky (to the point where people have complained it sucks TOO hard on some of the higher settings, which seems a bit ridiculous as you can just turn it down?!)
- The allergy settings are unbelievable. I have noticed a huge difference in my breathing and sniffling. The HEPA filters clearly work and I believe them when they say they remove 99.999% dust and pollen from the air. On their website they say that “Miele’s innovative 11-stage filtration system results in discharged air that is cleaner than normal room air, and the vacuumed bacteria, allergens and mould spores all remain safely in the dustbag/filter enabling this model to achieve a dust emission rating of ‘A’” and having used it and seen the difference I can only conclude this is a true fact and not marketing nonsense.
- It works great on hard floor, tiles and carpets. I didn’t realise (in my naivety) that cylinder hoovers are much better than uprights for hard floors, I’ve always had uprights in hard floor flats…which is stupid. We now have carpet AND hard wood floors AND tiles so finding a hoover that would be great for all three was tricky, but this one ticks all the boxes. You just kick a switch on it to flip to carpet and vice versa. Easy.
- It’s pretty much silent. Honestly, it’s a bit mental how quiet it is. Our Dyson always sounded like a Concorde roaring up its engines after a heavy night on the fags.
- It’s ridiculously light and easy to carry around – which is a must if you hate carrying hoovers up and down stairs as much as I do. It weighs 5.4kg and has a handy carry handle. Our old Dyson upright was a nightmare to carry up stairs and weighed 8kg or so. (As well as generally being bigger and bulkier, which didn’t help on the stairs)
- You can press a button and it gobbles up its power cord in the blink of an eye. (My favourite bit).
- I like how it follows me around when I’m hoovering like a kindly dog on a lead. (To be fair, this is just a general observation on cylinder hoovers vs uprights, but I do think the Miele is cute like a little robot puppy from the future).
It’s RRP is £299 and I bought it on sale for £229.99 on Argos’ eBay store, but you basically just have to shop around for a good price and accept you’ll drive yourself mental or bite the bullet and pay full RRP. I totally think it’s worth £300. I actually look forward to hoovering with it and I truly trust this hoover will last for aaaaaaaaaaaages.
I am not convinced you can still buy my exact hoover in white, but the ‘Havana brown’ one which is readily available is pretty snazzy…
Three cheers for Miele! And I still love Dyson Airblades.