Having already shared what’s in my c-section hospital bag, I finally got around to filming a general update on how I’ve been feeling (clue: RUBBISH) and what I’ve packed to take to hospital for the twins…
Hopefully I won’t be needing this bag for a while yet but you never know!
x
Post-babies, I’m going to try to write a blog post on the “perfect” c-section hospital bag. For now though, this is what I have packed!
Obviously I have no idea really if this is going to turn out to be the right stuff and that’s why I’ll definitely be updating with a proper blog post after the birth, but I am feeling pretty confident with my packing especially having now factored in the feedback from your comments on both the video itself and over on Instagram.
I’ve packed a separate case for the twins so this video just covers MY stuff (nighties, flip flops, snacks etc) but you can see what I have packed for the babbas here.
Eeeeep, it’s all getting very real now!
x
It’s National Breastfeeding Week at the moment which, if I’m honest, has probably made me more scared about breastfeeding than excited. I don’t think that’s the desired outcome of the week of campaigning but there we are. Put it this way: if you think you’ve seen women rip each other to shreds in Daily Mail comment sections and blogger bashing forums, just you wait til you stumble upon a breastfeeding vs formula feeding debate on Facebook. That stuff is SCARY.
I’ve always wanted to breastfeed (my mum doesn’t need any excuse to tell all and sundry that three-year-old me used to publicly yank up my top and “breastfeed” my Tiny Tears doll whenever she was feeding my baby sister) and as I’ve gotten older and wiser the desire to breastfeed hasn’t gone away, but it has been joined by a real fear of just how hard it will be.
Part of me thinks this fear is a good thing; I’m not expecting it to be a “natural” process where the babies and I just magically find our way and therefore I’m preparing myself for the realities as much as possible. I would have thought one of the worst things you could do is not expect it to be difficult, because then when it inevitably is difficult it will come as a massive shock…just as you’re also dealing with crashes and surges of hormones and generally trying to get your head around keeping a newborn baby (or babies) alive and well.
Finding out I was pregnant with twins didn’t dull my desire to breastfeed, it made me more concerned for the difficulties I could face but if anything it made me more determined to make breastfeeding work. The practicalities of formula feeding two babies (let alone the cost!) just seems hard-going to me. I can’t forget to take my boobs with me when I go out. I don’t think.
But I’m very aware of how hard it’s likely to be, especially in the beginning. Even if one baby is a great feeder, having another who isn’t is going to throw everything out of whack. From the twin forums I’ve joined, it doesn’t seem massively uncommon for one baby to be breastfed and another formula fed because of complications. Having to deal with the pitfalls of breastfeeding AND formula feeding all at once sounds particularly hard-going, though of course you do what you have to do to get those bubbas fed. You have to.
My worries are the usual ones for anyone planning to breastfeed: pain, latch issues, poor weight gain, not being able to “share” the feeding workload. But I’m also worried about lack of postnatal support and my own dogmatic attitude.
Let’s start with the lack of support, as this seems to be a key issue that I’ve read a lot about during National Breastfeeding Week. The vast majority of women in the UK *want* to breastfeed – all the stats say so. Clearly something is going very wrong between this desire to do it and following through to whichever magical figure we’re looking at – still breastfeeding at six weeks, six months, one year and so on. I’ve had the luxury of a lot of time to research my options for postnatal support and I can tell you now that it is NOT easy to find the relevant info – and that’s without the distraction of babies, postpartum hormones and a very immediate need to get a baby fed RIGHT NOW. If I’m struggling to find the right info now – with internet access, determination, all the time in the world and no crying babies to attend to – I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it is when you’re in that newborn fog and it really is an urgent situation.
I assumed, naively, that living in our great capital would mean I would have more options than anyone. Not the case. My local NCT branches, which had merged, have now closed down “permanently” due to lack of support. My local La Leche League meetings? Also suspended until mid 2018. Other groups I have found meet monthly, but what use is it to tell a woman who can’t feed her child that she has to wait three weeks to see someone? I can walk to an antenatal class within five minutes of my flat, the closest breastfeeding support group I have found that meets weekly is a 50 minute journey away. 50 MINUTES. The idea of doing multiple buses or trains and tubes with newborn twins doesn’t exactly sound massively appealing. I’ve found a handful of lactation consultants who would come to me if I needed a consultation, but that would be a cool £250 for a couple of hours support. I know I live in an expensive part of the country but bloody hell, that is not a viable offer of support for the majority of new mums. (I should add that I have now been recommended a consultant who would come to me if needsbe for closer to £100, but I didn’t find her through my own research and £100 is still a lot of money for a lot of people).
One thing I have realised through my trial and error of researching support options is that the internet is perhaps not the best place to look for answers. It’s 2017, but it still seems that pin-boards in hospitals and GP surgeries are where we’re supposed to go to find up to date support information. Have we really not moved past pieces of coloured paper blue-tacked in waiting rooms? It shouldn’t be the case that every option I find online seems to have outdated info, sometimes by years.
Women deserve better. Babies deserve better.
And then there’s the case of my attitude. Ahhhh. I’m really worried about this one. One of the main pieces of advice I’ve received is to just go with the flow and do whatever works and not beat yourself up about changing your plans, but I know I will be devastated if I can’t make breastfeeding work. I just will be. I would LOVE to be able to adopt a relaxed attitude to breastfeeding and maybe I just naturally will once the day-to-day realities of caring for two babies hits home, but I know my personality and I suspect I’ll be very hard on myself no matter how rationally I know this type of self-criticism is a very bad thing. Again though, acknowledging that my attitude could be a problem is the first step to being able to address it. It would be harder if I wasn’t aware of how self-critical I can be. People can help me if I’m honest about these shortcomings. I do know that at the end of the day, a happy mum is more important than any of the nutritional benefits of breastmilk.
So we’re now 1110 words into this post and having done a quick read through to this point I’ve realised I’ve been pretty damn negative. SEE! I told you National Breastfeeding Week was bringing out all the fear! But let’s end with some positive stuff.
I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers on forums and social media. Really overwhelmed. Yes, I’ve also stumbled across some of the worst people in the world on feeding threads but in the main, once you find the right groups/platforms for you, you CAN find the most amazing advice. For free. Day and night.
There’s a closed Facebook group called Breastfeeding Twins and Triplets UK and the women on there are literally superheroes. I have never seen anything quite like it to be honest, endless dedication to helping other women navigate the minefield that is breastfeeding multiples. Multiples in NICU, multiples with additional needs, first-time-mums, mums with PND – it’s just amazing to see the support that IS there. Women helping women out of the goodness of their hearts because even just one more breastfed baby is a very good thing.
TAMBA, the multiples charity, has loads of info on breastfeeding twins (and triplets! It can be done!) and I have found this really useful. I remember watching some of their tandem feeding videos early on and thinking “OH MY GOD THAT LOOKS LIKE COMPLETE AND UTTER CHAOS” but then feeling really pleased I’d watched them. Again, for me it’s all about having realistic expectations about what the twins journey will be like.
I’ve signed up to do various antenatal breastfeeding classes, including one of TAMBA’s webinars, and whilst I know that classroom based learning isn’t quite the same as dealing with a screaming baby, it will help a lot. Knowing these are in the diary make me feel more confident, as does reading all the tips and recommendations on the twin FB groups so that I have a better understanding of likely complications and how best to address them.
I’ve got my “supplies” ready too. I bought a second-hand Peanut&Piglet tandem feeding cushion on Facebook and then I also have my bbhugme as another option. I was lucky enough to be sent a box of essentials by Medela (think breast pads, nip cream, milk bags) and while I haven’t decided what to do about a pump yet, I’m going to either hire a hospital grade one or buy a double pump. I was going to buy shields “just in case” but I’m trying to remember that I don’t need a whole arsenal of equipment on standby, I can wait to see how things get on and whilst in hospital I can use their stuff and buy my own on next-day-delivery. Speaking of being in hospital, I’m trying to remind myself to not beg to go home asap and to wait until I’ve had a few successful milky feeds with the luxury of staff on hand to help (am I being unrealistic in expecting staff to help?!) as my c-section is likely to delay my milk coming in. And of course this is all just assuming I get to term and don’t have all the complications that come with preemie feeding!
I’ve also made sure ST is aware of how much I want to make breastfeeding work and how he can help make that happen, whether that’s advocating for me whilst we’re still in hospital or just generally backing me when we come across problems. If I have to sit on the sofa for three months having “topless telly time”, that’s all good with me. (Reading that sentence back has made me LOL, topless telly time being for cluster feeding the babies in a relaxed environment, not for ST’s entertainment. Hah!).
Our families are based in Suffolk and Manchester so everyone is hours away, but both mothers are on standby to come down and help once the twins arrive and this is a real comfort to know. I’ve also been able to watch my sister-in-law breastfeed her son over the past few months which has really helped prepare me. (Honestly, if you can convince someone close to you to have a baby six months ahead of you then this is pretty much the best way to learn it all – I’m sure you can find someone to oblige?!). My cousin (a twin!) goes to uni not too far away from us too and she is also on standby to help with shovelling cake into my gob and providing pints of squash. Every little helps right?!
And lastly, I just love that women are talking about breastfeeding. I love seeing women breastfeed on Instagram Stories. I love seeing women admit that it can be hard. I love that a lot of the conversations and news articles I’ve seen this week haven’t been about breast vs bottle, it’s been about saying “hang on, lots of women do actually WANT to breastfeed but we need more support”. It’s such a waste of energy to bash women for their feeding choices, especially when that energy could be used to actually help the women who do want to breastfeed but are struggling.
I know I’m going to be pretty busy once the twins arrive (!) but I am adamant that I’ll report back here, warts and all, with how I get on. Who knows, I might be Apatmil’s biggest customer and be coming online in November to laugh at this ridiculous post and my “oh I’m obviously going to breastfeed” notions. Or, even better, I may just get on with breastfeeding ok and not have much to report at all! I like that I never seem to see that as a possible outcome: that it might just genuinely go well.
The conversations are what’s important though. The admitting that breastfeeding is a skill to be learnt and not necessarily some easy and natural process that “just happens” is really really key.
Let’s all keep talking, let’s not look at the horrible threads full of nasty trolls on either side of the feeding debate, and let’s support one another when we can. This week, next week, and always.
Here’s to happy babies…and happy mums.
x
I haven’t blogged as much as I’d have liked to over the past few weeks for one simple reason: everything hurts. As my hips crunched together and my thighs went numb, I almost started to fondly miss the nausea and sweating of weeks gone by. Not being able to walk is really very boring.
Pelvic pain is common during pregnancy, the NHS website says that 1 in 5 women get it to some degree, but of course this will range in severity from woman to woman from “ooooh me back hurts” (kinda to be expected unfortunately, during the bizarre miracle that is growing a human inside you) to “can’t walk without crutches”.
Way back in 2010 when I was under the chronic pain & maxfax teams at Royal Surrey for my jaw and neck issues, I was warned that pregnancy would likely be problematic for me. A combo of rubbish hips and a hefty dose of the not-remotely-relaxing “relaxin” hormone was never going to be a recipe for comfort. What I didn’t know back then of course was that I would one day be pregnant with not one baby, but two. Two lovely gorgeous babies who at the 24 week scan registered as being on the 92nd percentile in terms of size. They are big. I am big. And like all twin mums my body has had to stretch to accomodate them ludicrously quickly.
I have found the speed of bump growth hard the whole way along to be honest, I wouldn’t say it has ever felt comfortable, but over the last few weeks it got really bad. There have been times where I’ve tried to dawdle very short distances, then been literally 500 metres from home and had to get a taxi. I was crying on a daily basis because it felt like I was wearing knickers made of lead. My legs wouldn’t move the way they should. I couldn’t bend down. I couldn’t get comfortable sat down. I couldn’t do the stairs. I felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING.
But! And there is a but, before everyone worries this is purely a moan-fest, I have found some things which have made me feel a lot better. Praise be!
Obviously the main thing that has helped has been giving in to the fact that my body is under a lot of stress and realising it’s absolutely ok to turn down invitations, rest up and duck out of chores. I didn’t expect to wind down work as early as 25 weeks but I’m not going to meetings anymore (well, not unless it’s properly important and I can taxi door-to-door) and I really limit my time at my desk. I do as many emails as I can from my phone whilst horizontal (yey!) and whilst I’m still taking on paid work for now and looking at some really exciting projects, I’m also getting everything in place to start my maternity allowance early. Nothing is more important than the babies and whilst SPD can’t harm the babies in any way, it’s not helpful for me to be upset and stressed at a time when I was otherwise feeling ludicrously joyous. Changing the pressure I was putting on myself to pretty much zero has been a HUGE help and I am so much happier for it.
As well as reducing my workload and saying goodbye to stacking the dishwasher, I’ve also bought a few things which have made a difference…
Serola Sacroiliac Belt
I’ve wanted to buy a pelvic support belt for a while but was at a loss as to where to begin as they all looked so different; some looked like cruel contraptions for the hips whilst others looked more like massive Spanx to cover the whole bump. Luckily the physiotherapist at the hospital let me try a belt which she thought would make a big difference given my symptoms and I went straight home and ordered it. I had felt relief immediately when she’d fastened it on me and whilst I couldn’t take it home (*sob*) I Primed one and since Friday I’ve been wearing it whenever I’ve needed to walk anywhere or be out of the house. It has really helped. Granted I’ve only had it a few days, but it has REALLY changed my ability to do simple things like “walk around the supermarket”. I still doubt I could walk very far, but it has made a world of difference and I wish I had bought one sooner.
I bought a size large (this was what the physio fit me in so I could buy it confidently) and I liked knowing that this is what an NHS physio would recommend. I’m always wary of “gadgets” when it comes to anything as important as “our skeletons” but I read lots of reviews, it’s commonly used across hospitals and – more than anything else – I’ve felt the relief for myself. This was money well spent.
Buy here.
Coccyx Orthopedic Cushion
My tailbone has been in agony for a while now so when this cushion came up as a lightning deal during Prime Day I almost didn’t care if it was going to be a gimmicky load of rubbish. I bought it knowing I was about to sit in the car to Manchester and if it could help even a tiny bit to take the pressure off my bum then it would have been worth buying. Much to my surprise, it has actually been really really helpful. I use it at my desk and when I sit in the car, but I also take it out with me (revel in my coolness) if I know I’ll be sitting down anywhere for long.
It IS weird to sit on something which feels a bit like a potty, but it’s extremely comfortable to sit on and I have found it helps my posture enormously – as well as crucially taking the pressure off my coccyx.
Buy here.
Exercise Ball
Another recommendation from the physio, I bought this to do some of the pelvic exercises I’d been recommended but it’s also just really nice to sit on in front of the telly. Apparently some people find them useful in labour too!
Buy here.
Maternity Pillow
I’ve fully reviewed the bbhugme already here but I thought I’d include it in this post too as it’s definitely an important weapon in my fight against SPD. It keeps my hips in an optimal position when sleeping and I also use it tied up to support my back when sat down on the sofa. It’s BRILLIANT.
Buy here.
I know I’m only going to get bigger, but I hope these things will continue to help me going forward. I want the babies to stay put as long as possible (and to get as big and strong as possible – COME ON BABIES, YOU CAN DO IT!) so I have no complaints there, it’s just hard sometimes when you feel physically very trapped by discomfort.
I’ll be starting hydrotherapy at the hospital in August hopefully and I would definitely recommend to anyone suffering in pregnancy to speak to their midwife for a referral to physio. Of course there are aspects of pregnancy which are always going to be uncomfortable, but if you think you have pelvic girdle pain (more info here) then you must say because there are definitely things you can try. And the sooner you speak up, the sooner you may get some relief!
Happy waddling 😀
x
There aren’t many rites of passages quite like sitting in a village hall with a bunch of equally terrified parents-to-be and getting ready to change a dolly’s nappy. That was, in part, how ST and I spent our Saturday…
I went full Cash Hughes and became VERY protective of my twin dolls, especially the diddy one. (Side note: if you’re not sure if you’re decided on your baby names, carry around some dolls for a few hours as I am now 100% convinced. Maaaaan, I miss my dolls.)
We’re doing a local NCT course in September and I intend to to do the free NHS course at my hospital, but the antenatal course which I’ve always been most excited about was the one we went to this weekend – a 6.5 hour twin-fest focused solely on multiple births. The course was run by Twin Birth in conjunction with Tamba, the leading UK multiple birth charity. Tamba offer shorter antenatal classes too (as well as courses for second-time parents who are expecting twins), but we wanted to dive in and do the full day course as we knew this would give us the opportunity to cover everything in more detail.
There were 7 couples on our course and we were all first time parents at a similar stage in pregnancy, so from the get-go it was just really nice to chat to other people going through the exact same stuff that we are. Of course a lot of the fears and questions that new parents face are common across the board, but it IS different when you’re expecting twins and so to be able to talk these things through – face to face – was just really re-assuring I suppose.
There have been times during this pregnancy where I’ve wondered if I was worrying too much/planning too much/reading too much/complaining about my back too much and actually the more I speak to other twin mums-to-be the more I realise it is completely normal. We’re having high-risk pregnancies and our antenatal care and birth choices are different from the outset, not to mention the fact that there’ll be two babies to look after at the end of it (it can be surprisingly easy to forget that part when you’re busy worrying about premature labour and NICU stays) so of course we’re going to approach pregnancy a bit differently. Our pregnancies ARE different.
The course started with us setting out our hopes and aims for the day and by the end of the afternoon we’d definitely covered everything we’d wanted to. The day was structured around the agenda we’d set ourselves but as a loose guide, we basically covered the following…
We also had a visit from twin parents who’d been in our position on the course just over a year ago, so they could share their experiences of their first 11 months with their babies. This was really helpful and after we’d all chatted together, the group split so that the men could chat to the dad and the women could chat to the mum. We all had lots of questions as you can imagine, so it was nice to be able to bombard someone who’d done it all so recently!
Whilst the day was structured, our course leader Sharon was really good at keeping an informal feeling throughout. We could all jump in with questions at any time and this was really useful, as inevitably the questions being asked were things I’d been thinking about myself or things I hadn’t considered yet but really should have.
This is where I’d say the course is invaluable really, as whilst I’m looking forward to NCT and meeting local mums from down the road, I’m not expecting the content to turn out to be that enlightening as I highly doubt there’ll be anyone else there expecting twins. Being in a group where everyone was in the same position made life so much easier as every hand raised meant we were all learning something useful and relevant. I’ve also heard horror stories about c-sections only getting a passing mention at NCT so given I know I’m having one, it was great on Saturday to talk about sections in detail and we got some really good pointers about how we can still make the experience ‘special’.
I’ve had the luxury of being able to spend a lot of time reading (and, errr, obsessing) about twin pregnancies, births, breastfeeding and so on, so whilst I wouldn’t necessarily say I “learnt” a huge amount on the day that I hadn’t already thought about, it was really reassuring as it confirmed a lot of the things I’d read and – crucially – it gave ST a chance to ask lots of questions and to gain a much better understanding of what the next year of our lives might look like. The worries he has are very different to mine, so for him to be able to chat these through in the group was great. I also thoroughly enjoyed being proved right throughout the day, as I’ve often said “we need to think about xyz” and it has seemed ludicrous but actually it turns out I’ve been correct all along – HURRAH! I mean surely that sense of oneupmanship is worth the course fee in itself?!
We both really enjoyed the day and probably the best feedback I can give the course is that we drove back home feeling incredibly excited rather than scared. We really can’t wait to meet these bubbas and whilst we do still have loads of things we need to get sorted it all feels very doable. We know it’s going to be hard and we know what challenges we can expect to face, but we also know how rewarding it will be in the long-run.
The course was £150 and that fee included follow-up support, refreshments (yeeeeeah I ate a LOT of biscuits) and loads of materials to take home with us like the above booklets. We went to a course in Chiswick but they’re run all over the country and as I mentioned earlier, there are shorter (and much cheaper) classes as well as webinars on specific topics. There are also classes for parents of older twins on things like sleep, schooling and teen years. I’ve booked to do a breastfeeding multiples webinar next month for £15. You can find out more info on courses and booking details here.
The last thing we did as a group was go round the room and each say what we’re most looking forward to about being twin parents. Everyone said something completely different, but I think we could all relate to everything that was said. There really is so much to look forward to.
It’s going to be a wild ride, but it will be undeniably special too.
We can’t wait!
x
