Yesterday, whilst in a slight hormonal rage, I encountered three of the worst types of people in quick succession. I couldn’t calm myself down (I was certain my blood was *actually* boiling, I could see bubbles forming under my wrists) so I did what any rational woman would do in the same situation and bought a Salted Caramel Galaxy (THESE ARE A THING NOW, HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN A THING AND WHY HAVE I ONLY JUST DISCOVERED THEM?!) and went to sit in the car on my own for 15 minutes.
Once I’d “recovered” from the ordeal, my mind wandered to the other types of awful people we share this planet with. Obviously there are the murderers and racists and terrorists and hipsters, but I mean the day-to-day awful people. The ones that walk amongst us. The ones that make our lives harder every single day.
And so this list was born!
I think I’ll counteract it tomorrow with a list of all the brilliant people in the world (Update: that’s live here!), but for now……..LET’S GET ANGRY.
And do let me know who I’ve missed…
1. Adults who don’t cover their mouths when they cough/sneeze.
I cannot get my head around the fact that this happens ALL THE TIME. And it’s often people who look fairly civilised too.
2. People who put their seats back on a plane *before* take-off.
It’s incredibly annoying to sit behind someone who reclines their seat but I get it, it happens. You can’t waste too much energy getting angry about people being inconsiderate on long haul flights. But when it happens BEFORE TAKE-OFF? That is a step too far. If they recline it again after the air hostess has already asked them to put it upright, you have every right to kill them.
3. People who say they have the flu when they have a cold.
If you’ve had flu, you will never ever make this mistake again.
4. People who share hoaxes/fake news stories/mass hysteria panic text messages because they can’t be bothered to do even the most basic fact checking.
Again, this is something I see relatively intelligent people do ALL THE TIME and it can actually be really dangerous. Checking your sources shouldn’t stop the minute you leave school. Just because it’s on Facebook, doesn’t mean it’s true. Always check things out for yourself before hitting share. Always.
5. People who walk aimlessly in car parks.
Sure, cars aren’t driving around at 70mph in car parks, but they are still moving vehicles which can hurt you and you’re still dawdling in the middle of a road whilst looking at your phone so PLEASE MOVE.
6. People who constantly post motivational messages but never actually do anything of note.
Instead of inspiring Instagram, why not inspire yourself and actually do something?
7. People who don’t throw away empty toilet rolls.
Obviously there’s a special place in hell for people who don’t replace a toilet roll when they use it up, but what about the people who do get a new toilet roll but leave it perched on top of the old cardboard tube? I think these people might actually be worse.
8. People who think it’s ok to look at their phones in the cinema.
No, please, bring your bright shiny light into the dark cinema that I’ve paid £15 to sit in…that’s not irritating!
9. 99% of people at the cinema, tbh.
Seriously, I am going to have to stop going because the list of things that drive me crazy is never ending: people constantly getting up to go the toilet, the constant eating (when did we all become so grossly uncivilised?), the chatting, the fidgeting. GAH.
10. People who don’t put their massive dog on a lead on busy urban pavements.
Same goes for people who collect their dog’s mess in a bag but then LEAVE THE BAG OF SHIT ON THE PAVEMENT and people who say their dog is “just playing” when it’s jumping in your face and barking an inch from your nose.
Please note I actually really like dogs these are just various annoying things that have happened THIS WEEK. I could think of plenty more irritating things about cats.
11. People who think you need antibiotics for a cold.
Okay this could be a whole separate post but assume I am also talking about the people who think it’s appropriate to call 999 for a bad knee or go to A&E with a sore throat.
12. People who won’t move down the carriage.
Come on guys, this train is practically made of windows and we can see exactly how much space there is for us down there in the middle. Budge up.
13. People who put lengthy URLs in Instagram descriptions despite the fact they’re not clickable OR even copy/pastable.
Sure I’ll just remember that 200 character long string of random numbers and letters.
14. People who don’t close their menu when they’re ready to order.
Okay so this is really just a bugbear I have with people who are dining in restaurants with me when I’m haaaaangry but srsly guys, how is the waiter going to know that we’ve decided and we’re starving?
15. People who cross the road near a crossing, rather than at the crossing.
Literally happens ALL THE TIME. (Thanks to Elizabeth Haynes for reminding me of this one).
16. People who say something is really urgent, you reply immediately, then there’s radio silence.
IS IT URGENT OR NOT?!
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Blood boiling? Calm down with reading my list of the 16 best types of people in the world. Not everyone’s awful, after all. (Although all the people above MUST BE STOPPED).
This list is fabulous!! These are all the things that seem a little ridiculous to be annoyed about…but they are so infuriating! Although I may have been guilty of no.7 a few times…
Dani x
Haha, no.7 has brought out a few people saying the same thing. (This isn’t my husband posing under a different name is it?! Hah!) xx
So good! I sit next to three people at work (GROWN ADULTS WITH LIFE RESPONSIBILITIES) who don’t seem to understand what a tissue is. Drives me absolutely bonkers. In fact, all of the above do. And another dog related gripe is parents who think it’s ok to let their 2/3 year old run up to a strangers dog and start poking it in the face without checking with the dogowner first that said dog might not like small children…
Omg yes! I’m always baffled by the parents who can’t see that their child is really winding up a dog. Even dogs that like children will snap if they’re constantly prodded/pulled/ridden on – especially if the child is smaller than the dog!
I was sniffing repeatedly and only really noticed while reading this comment. I therefore took it as a sign. I have now been to get tissue, as I’m not an awful human being. Usually.
You can have one more chance as you realised the error of your ways.
YES POPPY YES! The cinema people. We can’t actually go to the cinema anymore because my husband gets into an argument with someone every time. Also: antibiotics for colds. And just all of it.
Also people who stand on the wrong side of the tube escalator, people who are too lazy to tell the difference between your and you’re, their there and they’re.
People on easyjet who have paid for the better boarding thing and stand there like they’ve got a return ticket in one of those Emirates First class suites.
Hold on, I’ll be back with more.
YES YES YES!
And I’ve just remembered the one that winds me up the most at the airport: people who get to the front of the EasyJet line and act all bemused about the fact they can’t have more than one bag. AS IF THIS ISN’T THE MOST WIDELY KNOWN RULE OF ALL TIME.
Can I add in, people who wear rucksacks on the train and turn sharply to get off at the station, smacking you in the face. I have been rucksacked so many times I’ve lost count….
Yes! They must definitely be banned. As well as all people generally who have no spatial awareness.
Yes! So much yes.
The last one reminded me of all the people who call *everything* urgent. It can’t all be urgent! Some of it has to be un-urgent, but the very nature of things!
Also, people who write in library books. Why on earth would you do that? Why? The only people who are worse are people who *highlight* library books. WTF?!
omg I completely forgot about the people who highlight in library books. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
I agree with every single point on this list! For me, it’s when you are walking on a pathway, wide enough for two and two people walking side by side don’t move to let you past. This then forces you to step into the road, when there is definitely enough space if people move over just a little. GUH!
Definitely! There could be a whole post dedicated to people’s lack of spatial awareness!!!
“16. People who say something is really urgent, you reply immediately, then there’s radio silence.”
This has got to be my pet peeve! Related: when someone says something is urgent, but then you hear the request and it’s really, really not. Grumble…
The colleague who cried urgent could be a modern day parable.
I LOVE this post, I’d just like to add the people who post quotes relating to everything their going through so we’re all up to date on their love/rage/anger and passive aggression – shut it and just tell the actual person not us! Also, people who leave their crumbs and used cutlery on kitchen counters once their done and who leave a mug with a teabag still in it in the sink! Argh!!
Yes!!!!! Cryptic statuses are the worst!!!
Number 14!! Oh my god, Number 14 all.the.time. And in a similar vein, waiters that start clearing away plates when not everyone has finished eating – this makes me crazy.
Yes! I always notice they do this more in the US. Drives me crazy.
People who kept kissing my baby’s hands when she was a newborn…eugh!