Yesterday, whilst in a slight hormonal rage, I encountered three of the worst types of people in quick succession. I couldn’t calm myself down (I was certain my blood was *actually* boiling, I could see bubbles forming under my wrists) so I did what any rational woman would do in the same situation and bought a Salted Caramel Galaxy (THESE ARE A THING NOW, HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN A THING AND WHY HAVE I ONLY JUST DISCOVERED THEM?!) and went to sit in the car on my own for 15 minutes.
Once I’d “recovered” from the ordeal, my mind wandered to the other types of awful people we share this planet with. Obviously there are the murderers and racists and terrorists and hipsters, but I mean the day-to-day awful people. The ones that walk amongst us. The ones that make our lives harder every single day.
And so this list was born!
I think I’ll counteract it tomorrow with a list of all the brilliant people in the world (Update: that’s live here!), but for now……..LET’S GET ANGRY.
And do let me know who I’ve missed…
1. Adults who don’t cover their mouths when they cough/sneeze.
I cannot get my head around the fact that this happens ALL THE TIME. And it’s often people who look fairly civilised too.
2. People who put their seats back on a plane *before* take-off.
It’s incredibly annoying to sit behind someone who reclines their seat but I get it, it happens. You can’t waste too much energy getting angry about people being inconsiderate on long haul flights. But when it happens BEFORE TAKE-OFF? That is a step too far. If they recline it again after the air hostess has already asked them to put it upright, you have every right to kill them.
3. People who say they have the flu when they have a cold.
If you’ve had flu, you will never ever make this mistake again.
4. People who share hoaxes/fake news stories/mass hysteria panic text messages because they can’t be bothered to do even the most basic fact checking.
Again, this is something I see relatively intelligent people do ALL THE TIME and it can actually be really dangerous. Checking your sources shouldn’t stop the minute you leave school. Just because it’s on Facebook, doesn’t mean it’s true. Always check things out for yourself before hitting share. Always.
5. People who walk aimlessly in car parks.
Sure, cars aren’t driving around at 70mph in car parks, but they are still moving vehicles which can hurt you and you’re still dawdling in the middle of a road whilst looking at your phone so PLEASE MOVE.
6. People who constantly post motivational messages but never actually do anything of note.
Instead of inspiring Instagram, why not inspire yourself and actually do something?
7. People who don’t throw away empty toilet rolls.
Obviously there’s a special place in hell for people who don’t replace a toilet roll when they use it up, but what about the people who do get a new toilet roll but leave it perched on top of the old cardboard tube? I think these people might actually be worse.
8. People who think it’s ok to look at their phones in the cinema.
No, please, bring your bright shiny light into the dark cinema that I’ve paid £15 to sit in…that’s not irritating!
9. 99% of people at the cinema, tbh.
Seriously, I am going to have to stop going because the list of things that drive me crazy is never ending: people constantly getting up to go the toilet, the constant eating (when did we all become so grossly uncivilised?), the chatting, the fidgeting. GAH.
10. People who don’t put their massive dog on a lead on busy urban pavements.
Same goes for people who collect their dog’s mess in a bag but then LEAVE THE BAG OF SHIT ON THE PAVEMENT and people who say their dog is “just playing” when it’s jumping in your face and barking an inch from your nose.
Please note I actually really like dogs these are just various annoying things that have happened THIS WEEK. I could think of plenty more irritating things about cats.
11. People who think you need antibiotics for a cold.
Okay this could be a whole separate post but assume I am also talking about the people who think it’s appropriate to call 999 for a bad knee or go to A&E with a sore throat.
12. People who won’t move down the carriage.
Come on guys, this train is practically made of windows and we can see exactly how much space there is for us down there in the middle. Budge up.
13. People who put lengthy URLs in Instagram descriptions despite the fact they’re not clickable OR even copy/pastable.
Sure I’ll just remember that 200 character long string of random numbers and letters.
14. People who don’t close their menu when they’re ready to order.
Okay so this is really just a bugbear I have with people who are dining in restaurants with me when I’m haaaaangry but srsly guys, how is the waiter going to know that we’ve decided and we’re starving?
15. People who cross the road near a crossing, rather than at the crossing.
Literally happens ALL THE TIME. (Thanks to Elizabeth Haynes for reminding me of this one).
16. People who say something is really urgent, you reply immediately, then there’s radio silence.
IS IT URGENT OR NOT?!
Blood boiling? Calm down with reading my list of the 16 best types of people in the world. Not everyone’s awful, after all. (Although all the people above MUST BE STOPPED).